Episode Transcript
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It was really a beautiful
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providence of God that
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our Diamond Jubilee celebration
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also is the Year of Jubilee.
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And Pope Francis I'm sure when he proclaim it
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he hasn't had us in mind at all,
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and we haven't had in mind also the Jubilee Year.
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So I regard it as God's providence and His mercy.
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But also a reminder to me in particularly
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because religious life, like any other stage of life,
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is really a pilgrim of hope.
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But fundamentally, it has to be a journey of great faith.
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And I feel personally without faith
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we just couldn't really live a life that is
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concentrated on God
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and doing His will
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no matter what state of life we are in.
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But as a religious I would say particularly for me,
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faith is the foundation of everything that we think of
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and do and also carry out ourselves as we are.
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Because in faith I believe
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that God made me, God created me, God loved me,
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and God also had a plan for me.
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And this plan,
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I do not know how exactly it will unfold itself.
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But as life goes on then I realise that
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the plan is always accompanied by hope
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the hope on both sides.
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Maybe God already knows everything that is going to happen to me
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but as a daddy, a Heavenly Father, like all fathers
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they also will hope whatever their child does somehow
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really correspond to the desire and the plan
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that the daddy has in their mind
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all for the best of the child.
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So with this Jubilee Year of hope
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I always think that,
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'Father what do you want me to do?'
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'What do you desire of me in this particular year?'
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And then when I reflect upon it I said,
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'oh dear I'm already sixty years in religious life.'
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What have I been doing all throughout those sixty years?
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Has it been a year, or those past years
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have been pleasing to God in some way?
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Or have I been, you know, really tumbling over it, you know,
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by making many mistakes,
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by maybe disappointing God
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or maybe, you know, somehow upset His plan for me.
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So there has been periods of reflection
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that I do think about it during this year
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when the sisters and the congregation
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have been, you know, looking forward
to this Jubilee celebration in the Church.
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And it just happened that our group also, and I'm within that group,
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celebrating their Diamond Jubilee
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So the first question come to me is,
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it is love of God that sustained me
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throughout these sixty years.
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And it is also the gift of hope and faith
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that He has instilled in my life.
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That whatever happened,
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I have the faith granted by His grace and sustained by hope
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and being loved by Him
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I say that is part of my journey
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whether it is joy, whether it is despair,
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I'm the sanguine character so
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despair doesn't always come so obvious
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but disappointment, yes,
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and also frustration,
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and also somehow
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when I feel that I am really very unworthy
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because God has been so merciful to me.
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Overlooking all my defects
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and overlooking also sometimes that
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I did disappoint Him and
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became disappointed and sad in the sense that
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I couldn't live up to his desire
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and I upset His plan by being sinful,
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by being also self-centered.
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But somehow I always have felt
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that His mercy is always with me
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and he always raised me up in time of
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maybe my self regret,
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and also myself somehow
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disappointed with myself because I haven't been living faithfully
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in various ways.
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But that faith in Him that no matter what happened.
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He is there watching me,
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sometimes shaking His head,
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but sometimes smiling
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and sometimes when He put up a thumb and say, well done!
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But most of the time,
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He watches me quietly
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and sustaining me and protecting me.
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And that is the faith that have
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always been in my heart granted by His grace.
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And the hope which is the main theme
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in this Jubilee Year
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have been also very evident in my life.
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I never gave up hope because God is hope.
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God is faith, God is love.
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So I'm grateful to God
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my life should be a life of thanksgiving
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and sometimes I imagine myself
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if this moment God calls me,
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I wonder how I really react.
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Would I be running away from Him?
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Or will I be running towards Him?
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And how did I run towards Him?
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And sometimes I would imagine myself
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to be His child
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no matter what age I am in,
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whether I'm in my twenties,
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whether my childhood,
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or in my maturity,
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or in my older age, which I am in now,
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because sixty years Diamond Jubilee is not a short time.
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But He called me when I was sixteen and a half,
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so I was very young.
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And I do not know life definitely
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but He has been the one teaching me life.
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He has been the one giving me opportunities
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to study very well in many different aspects,
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but also theological but most of all,
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He taught me Himself.
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He was my teacher,
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He was my guide,
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and He was the one that implement and also sustain me
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with the lack of knowledge that I have
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in my initial stage.
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But bit by bit, when I'm ready,
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then He will teach me a little bit more.
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And at the end I would say that,
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yes You have taught me a lot,
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even though I do not always correspond,
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but you have been merciful Father in heaven.
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And Jesus is my bridegroom
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so the bridegroom always somehow,
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you know, spoil the bride a little bit.
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So sometimes I say, dear Father you are
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treating me so well that
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very often I felt myself like a spoiled child in your arms.
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But I don't mind being spoiled by You because
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Your spoiling is really chastising.
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And in some way,
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that will always carry with you a mercy.
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The mercy that understands,
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the mercy that has compassion towards my frailty,
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a mercy that will forgive
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and that will always embrace me.
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And I can run to You like a child
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and so that is my imagination and my notion
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when He calls me,
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I will just run to Him
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and jump to His bosom
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and I know He will do it.
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How?
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Maybe I let Him be the one to tell me when the time comes
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and when the time comes,
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I will be filled with tears of joy,
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not tears of regret.
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Because in God there shouldn't be any regret
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because the regret should be at our side
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because if we regret that is a good point,
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but after regret there should be hope,
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there should be faith in God's mercy and love.
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And for that I'm grateful
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for the religious, you know, call that He has called me.
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And I hope for the rest of my life
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I will still respond with simplicity,
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with joy and with humility.
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Even my fickleness and my sinfulness
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will not prevent me to trust in His love.
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Thank you.
